My wife and I don’t want to have any biological children. We only want to adopt our kids. The simple reason is that we want all of our kids to feel like they’re on even footing with us. There are a lot of great families that have a blend of biological and adopted children. That’s great. But for us, we never want to be pregnant. In fact, getting pregnant would be kind of terrible.
This is something my wife has been sure about longer than I have, since her late teens, in fact. So a few times over the years, she’s asked doctors about getting her tubes tied. She never wants to be pregnant, and that’s about the surest way she never would be.
But they wouldn’t do it.
Saying she’s too young, or she’ll change her mind, or she should have one biological kid first, or just flat out afraid of getting sued later, multiple doctors have flatly denied her request. Some of the doctors refused when my wife was still single. Some of them refused after we were married. To be fair to the most recent gyno, she said she would do it if she had known my wife as a patient for a couple years, but since it was my wife’s first time seeing this doctor, the doctor wasn’t comfortable with it.
Which brings us to yesterday and my consultation at a urology clinic to get a vasectomy. This was also my first time with this doctor (no, I don’t have a urologist I’ve been seeing for years), and before I even saw the doctor I signed forms informing me how much I’d owe if I didn’t show up for my procedure, and how much I’d owe for the procedure itself. Then I went in, saw the doctor, had about a five or ten minute consultation, and got scheduled for a vasectomy.
All of which I appreciate. I walked in, said I wanted a vasectomy because my wife and I want to adopt all our kids, the doc said, “Great!” and started telling me about the procedure.
I didn’t face any pressure about having a biological kid first. I didn’t have a doctor worried I’d change my mind in five years. I said what I wanted, and he took me at my word. That’s it.
It may seem like a small thing, but it felt so weird that it was so easy for me to get a vasectomy, while my wife would still have trouble getting her tubes tied. It actually made me sad, and I think it made her sad too.
I even understand that doctors need to cover their own backs on some level. But most of all it just sucks that something we’re of one committed mind about is, through no fault or cause of our own, so easy for me but so hard for my wife.